OK, so before I start my review of this movie, I should probably explain. Do you remember me saying about how it is the Easter break and I am at home? And do you remember me telling you how that would mean I would end up watching a load of films I'm not particularly bothered about because my Dad wants to watch them? Well that is how I came to watch the infamous 'John Carter' so please, don't judge me. It wasn't my choice.
This film follows a man named John Carter (no surprises there then). Played by Taylor Kitsch, John is a Civil War veteran who has spent the last few years attempting to become a rich man by finding the spider cave and it's apparent gold. However once inside this cave, John is transported to the distant planet of Barsoom (which later turns out to be Mars). His adventures on this planet include becoming part of an alien tribe known as the Tharks, helping a Princess (Lynn Collins) save her kingdom and defeating the evil Therns who are attempting to destroy Barsoom.
Right, if you have heard anything about this film then you will probably be able to guess what my opinion of it was. If you don't know much about it, then I wouldn't venture to find out. This film is pretty awful, and to have something like this come from Disney is an added disappointment. It's not very often I find myself looking at my watch regularly throughout a film, but with this one, I must've looked every few seconds. This film was so bad that it dragged more than any other film I have ever watched (OK, maybe that's a lie, I can think of one that was worse *cough* Tree of Life *cough*). The annoying thing is that, in theory, it could've been a semi-decent film. The story isn't as horrific as I had heard it was (although it is a bit messy), and the special effects are pretty impressive. However, the biggest (and most obvious) problem is the dialogue. It is stunted, very over dramatic and doesn't fit in with the modern action/adventure film. People just don't talk like that, and never have.
Add to that the acting and you have a pretty much perfect recipe for disaster. I realise that when people go and see action/adventure films they are not going to see talented actors (just look at most Jason Statham movies). They are going to see buildings blow up and people get shot and other stunts along those lines. But when the acting is so bad that you can't really focus on anything else that is going on, that is when you know there is something very wrong. The two leads in this film are truly awful and that's putting it nicely. I don't think I have seen dramatic dialogue so over-acted in my entire life, and this only highlights the lack of chemistry between the two (or at least an inability to portray any). With regards to everyone else in this film, most of them are animated (thank God) but of those that aren't, I would say that the only good performance comes from Mark Strong as the leader of the Therns. He is probably the one person who manages to act his part convincingly throughout the entire film (but then again he always does play a pretty good villain).
Therefore, as you can probably tell, I am not a fan and would like to gain back the 2 and a bit hours that I spent watching this film. Unfortunately that will never happen so I will save you from having to waste your time on this movie. It is really not good, and God only knows how it has gotten the 51% it has on Rotten Tomatoes.
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